Men of a certain age such as I , yes alright old fart, when thinking of that fine sussex town of Brighton and Hove albion , automatically think of mods and rockers , deckchairs at dawn scrapping up and down the beach and get misty eyed over Leslie Ash getting a damn good seeing to down an alley by the bloke that wasnt in Blur. Or maybe Ted MacDougall banging them in for… oh that was bournemouth …. same thing innit.
Fast forward 40 years and its bonkers , vegans attacking old ladies in sainsburys looking at the turkeys and voting green and rainbows.
First I must declare I have nothing against trannies , back in the summer of love i often took one to bed with me, yes I know I was only 11 but it was the only place radio luxembourg would have any signal.
I know theres a very wide band of normal from Jacob Rees Mogg a direct descendant of Charles Hawtrey and Oliver Cromwells less tolerant sister all the way through to that beardy weirdy Israeli that won eurovision …. I blame ABBA , you have to outweird them to win. Some of my best friends are weird , I dont really care if they like to wear ladies ball gowns to the football on a cold saturday afternoon at the Falmer american express community stadium . rolls off the tongue that eh …. more of rolling off the tongue later but I digress, what they do in the privacy of their own own 30,666 seater stadium is their own business.
They’ve gone too far now , I know I’m not one to complain , but seriously , Brighton council have agreed to teach 8 year old boys that they can have periods too. not double maths , we all had them periods , even when i was at school . Proper bleed for a week and dont die lady periods , full on defying science ( double biology) blobbing
A council spokesperson , see i can do gender neutral , Cllr Stephanie foulks- fellows MBE , known to hs ,( thats gender neutral for his or hers …. or it will be when they nick my idea), mates as Dave the Brickie from Hove , says its important for boys to know that menstruation is normal and that boys can have them if they want …. possibly Dave , but only if your a seahorse with butter fingers dropping your eggs all over a coral reef … Coral Reef coincidentally is another Brighton councillor . Dave also said periods are something to be celebrated .
My view is I would rather 8 year old boys were taught Dick Emery was a bow legged drag queen and not an instruction to take your mums nail file to your todger , because tht is one of only a couple of ways Ive ever made my …. errrr Ive heard you can make your japs eye bleed that much .
Never mind put your hand up at the back of the class and saying, ” please miss Gordon can I visit the little non binaries room for a twats hammock I appear to be having a perfectly normal monthly uterus clear out “. just shout , “Call me a fookin ambulance I think i’ve split me banjo”.
And why is it just Brighton ? we are just as much a diverse and cosmopolitan town up here in Grimsby, christ we’ve got Harry in the heart foundation shop in his twin set pearls and ginger nylon wig ( why are they always ginger?) apart from the welders hands and 5 o’clock shadow, he could pass for a bird …. he could pass for Theresa May as it is. We’ve got Kevin from Strictly , lovely bloke. By Brighton standards a right aaard baaastard , as the say down there on the saaarf coast.
To be fair to the actual trannies, even they think its a bit of a daft idea and blame the Vegans , though why , I don’t know , even with freedom of movement its unlikely anyone from that constellation is claiming benefits in Brighton.
The only period Ive ever celebrated was when Janice Bottomley said she’d missed two of em , then came on like an explosion in an abattoir. Never have I been more pleased to see a new pope elected from the house girls toilets chimbley.
What ever happened to damn good seeing tos?